And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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