So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
