She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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