their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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