the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize