Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
