did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
