My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
