Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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