cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
