Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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