Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
