I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
