I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How does one acquire holy water?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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