batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
