Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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