We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My penis needs a shock collar
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
