Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You smell like stripper and shame
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
