thus making me awesome and them whores
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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