"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
