You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
