Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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