I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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