True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize