For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
this is an emotional support booty call
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
