I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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