he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
