Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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