my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
