if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
