my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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