I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
