Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
