4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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