oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
