I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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