Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
