Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
