I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
