I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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