Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
