turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
