It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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