i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
