God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
