Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize