i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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