I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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