Swine flu. Run for my life!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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