you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
