physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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