I want to make a zoo with you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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