I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
