she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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