i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize