He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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