i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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