i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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