i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
