Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
