Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
