so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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