Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
