Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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